clad only in a coconut bra and a smile
i'm sure most of you savvy little fun-monkeys know about porn names but i'm going to tell you all about them anyway for the sake of the unenlightened.
your porn name is calculated by adding together the name of your first pet with the title of the first street you lived on to form one raunchy moniker.
well, okay sometimes its not raunchy at all and people end up with porn names like 'oscar o'sullivan'. and apart from the double 'o' factor, there ain't nothin' pornographic about that pseudonym.
but sometimes the game works a treat and then its funtime for the whole family. for example, my first pet was a brown canary named cinnamon and i was born and bred on beach st. therefore, my porn name is 'cinnamon beach'.
how hot is that? if i were to give up the 9-5 gig and pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry, i would definitely be the star of such quality tropical fantasies as 'beach blanket bondage' and 'maliboob beach' (both real films).
i have a friend whose porn name is 'princess louisa'. she is destined to play xXxena someday. another friend of mine is 'dirty gomez'. we think he'd just be a voyeur. with velvet pants and a handlebar mo.
and now i ask all of you aspiring smut dolls out there: what's your porn name, baby?
32 Comments:
Pussy Merton. Had it going with the Pussy, lost it again with the Merton. All build up, no climax.
Mack Main.
would be cool if i were a hairy chested, tom seleck type... alas i'm blondish, curlyish and boobish, maybe i could pass it off as M&M. rapstar style
Call me Tutti St. Helens, hotness.
And you just know I'm talking in a baby voice with a name like that.
Well, I think I'm either Fluffy Mount St Carmel or Tiger Mount St Carmel. I think they sound like lesbian twins into hardcore orgies, which is kinda cool.
Pussa Whitmore ... miaow !
mouse woolsley. do i win, or what? look, i was six when i got that mouse, my creativity with name-giving was yet to be born. you can pretend it's mount woolsley, boom-tish.
Kimba Victoria.
Hmmmm, I kinda quite like it... Sounds classy with just a smidgen of sleaze........
Pokey Stafford...
Little bit of reference to all things raunchy, little bit of English gentry. LOVE IT!
Bubbles Bower, baby.
I suspect the main reason I am so enamoured of my current beau is that his childhood pet was a bird called Cocky...
Pokey Stafford! Bob Ellis, there's you!
Miss Kitty Bloom. It's got kind of a retro burlesque feel to it.
C'mon Minty Sutherland, I know who you are...
Annie.
I've got a few equally hilarious ones to choose from: Miffy Esplanade, Sophie Rouse or Pussy Boulevard.
Emma Heather.
Shittest. Porn name. Eva.
Actually my second is better - Jessie McBishop.
Poochie Gillian, Muffy Arbour and George Heathmere
BBCC sagely pointed out to me this afternoon that we can cunningly orchestrate the porn names of the next generation by giving our pets saucy names and purchasing real estate in humourously named streets. I believe the orchestrated porn name example he gave was Slutty McFuck.
Sadly we didn't realise this earlier because now the tiny man is stuck with Zippy Aberdeen. We are bad parents.
hey do you love how totally made it sound like me and BBCC were co-mummies and daddies?
my friend josh = chocolate busby.
gold.
Whiskers Mandeville.
I'm ambivalent.
*Sidles away from Fluffy*
From my initial pretty sexy name of Kimba Victoria, mine seems to mutate as the pets/addresses go on, into some kind of mafia dude -
Rumbles Waterloo
Marmalade Hume
Sam Hardy
Mickey Mazari
my current porn name is toffee beaumont.
its no cinnamon beach, but i still think its hot.
Minty Oatley. The Minty's kinda tingly, but Oatley is just blah. I would like to be Minty Manhood.
My 2nd pet/street combo would be Ralph Bell. This blows shit, apart from sounding kinda like a pen name for a Bronte Sister. Which isn't really sexy either. And I'm a guy, so it doesn't work at all...
C'mon, Nads, you only posted this because you have such an awesome pornstar name. Mine is a choice of:
Kitty Cotswold
Max Traston
or
Ziggy Woolaston.
Kitty Cotswold then.
Okay I'm late to the party, but here comes Duke Rockaway. Do I win the men's competition. I could also choose my hamster and go with Spunky Rockaway, but that's just rubbing it in your face. Pun intended (in honor of Sheriff's birthday celebration.)
Oi! So what's wrong with my name then?! I've just googled myself and this is all I came up with! Grrr...
OMG! You're so harsh, my name is Oscar O'Sullivan too... My friend just found this for me. You're forgetting that it doesnt just have two 'O's, but two 'OS's,and two 'a's, but that's a bit shit. Anyway, I'd have sex with myself on camera, does that count? Me xxxxxx
Hehe Oscar you're such a goon :P... I didn't google your name or anything when i was bored in ICT or anything.. honest..
Susie Q xxxx
ooh well WHAT DO YOU KNOW.. my name is Oscar O' Sullivan TOO! SUPER GOSH! I am WELL cool... yah yah double O.. double OS... 2 days.. weva.. haha.. it is a real oscar o' sullivan I swear...
It was HER - SHE MADE ME DO IT! *points at racoon as he/she runs off with the rest of the bagels when they "think" nobody is watching"... oh and my porn star name happens to be...
Lucky Oyster.. thats the bestest one here if u ask me.
my my name is that too
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