there's something about betty

today is my mum's birthday. she is a hell of a woman who deserves the world on a crystal platter with a side of strawberries and cream.

here are some of the many reasons why my mum rules 4 eva:

- she suffered through a long and painful childbirth for the supreme anti-climax of bringing me into this harsh reality;

- she held my head in her hands all three (thats right THREE) times i cracked it open as a youngin;

- she drove me from school to netball to gymnastics to jazz ballet to home. and that was just on mondays;

- she makes a wicked borscht, and an even tastier lasagna;

- she pretended until i was 10 that it was her who made all my birthday cakes, when really she can't bake for shit;

- she still thinks 'shit' is a really rude word;

- she honestly believed me that i "didn't know it was alcohol" the time i got suspended from high school;

- yesterday she confessed to me that she actually doesn't like bette midler as much as i do;

- she once rang my friend to console her about a breakup, even though she had just lost her husband and been diagnosed with cancer;

- she joked with and comforted the nurses when it was time to say good bye to my dad;

- her favourite song is 'informer' by snow;

- when i asked her if i could get her stoned once she told me she had no interest in being a "freak";

- but she still asked me to get her some pot for a sick friend (man is it hard to score these days);

- she used to make her kindergarten class repeat the sentence "mrs c***n is not fat, she's cute and cuddly" over and over again, like an evil cultist;

- she wants my gorgeous pregnant sister to name her first child 'geronimo rodriguez buddha';

- she still believes in me, despite the overwhelming evidence in favour of giving up and adopting someone nicer, smarter and better looking.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMA!

you are truly the wind beneath my damaged wings. even if you don't really like bette that much.

xox