r.i.p lord randolph forphington III
lord randolph forphington III is dead.
he was fatally wounded yesterday by a bullet through the heart while dueling to defend my honour. his rival, alfred douglas-muffers, earl of twattington, an evil piece of filthy swine if i ever did encounter one, is also now deceased.
i have no words to describe the joy and laughter lord randolph forphington III has brought me in the past week, since he appeared in my inbox on valentines day proclaiming his undying love for me. no words at all.
and so instead i turn to dolly parton - philosopher, poet, goddess - to help me say my goodbye:
"I'm gonna miss you, I'm gonna miss you
You fought a good fight, may you rest in peace now
You've earned the right, you stood brave and tall
The ultimate price, i honour you now
Against the earl of twattington, you gave it all
And although I'm proud of all that you stood for
My selfish heart just wants you home
My heaving breasts are so proud of you
But I can't accept the fact that you're gone
And I'm gonna miss you
When the golden sun sinks slowly o'er the crest of yonder hill
I'm gonna miss you
When i check my emails and there are no words from you still
We never met, and yet i knew your wish to make me smile was true
Even though you're gone, my love lives on
And I, I'm gonna miss you"
farewell lord randy. thanks for the memories. oh, and the virtual necklace.
xox
*places a rose on the keyboard and cries a thousand tears*
13 Comments:
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?
For those rapscallions whom may perturb my lady further
*flourishes*
*exists*
Dear La Nadine
Oh how it saddens me to read the poignant tale of the passing of your chivalrous love. May he rest undisturbed for eternity.
The briskness of his demise would explain why the great man failed to alert you to the fact that he asked that I, Lord Taz, am to now defend your honour in his absence.
Yes it is I who will keep Twattington at bay, who will charm you with my faux Victorian era wit and who will endeavour to deliver to you the pearl necklace that Forphington was unable to.
Indeed, it would seem the magnificent task before me is dwarfed only by the spectacular bosom you possess.
Oh fair lady I deliver you this message. I plan to carry out Forphington's wishes to the letter (especially the one about the pearl necklace). I promise you this today.
Lord Taz of Blogdownunder
ukeleelee: gold. pure GOLD. my favourite insult thus far is "thou artless swag-bellied malt-worm".
taz: what a sweet gesture. for the moment my heart remains full of love for lord randy, and i cannot even think of taking another lord into my heart. but time may heal the wound (although never will it fade completely) and maybe one day i will learn to love again.
send the pearl necklace on over anyway. trinkets always help a girl to heal.
To quote Sir Justin Hawkins, get your hands off my woman, motherfucker.
"Oh fair lady I deliver you this message. I plan to carry out Forphington's wishes to the letter (especially the one about the pearl necklace). I promise you this today."
He did no such thing. Pray, develop yer own schtick in order to seduce my sumptuous earthly princess.
As for you, my love Nadine - heaven, while beautiful, is far from perfect... especially considering it is missing it's most glorious Angel xxx
Yours eternally from beyond the grave,
Lord Randolph
PS: Please, Heart's Desire - please don't run off with someone imitating me, or claiming to have my approval. Let them woo you in their own way, the hard way.
PPS: If I see a single pearl on my beloved's neck, Taz, I shall take possession of Ozzy Osbourne's body, force him to drink a crate of vodka, and then have him strangle ye to death.
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Oh, and Twattington is dead. Please, research before trying to steal my lover THE DAY AFTER I WAS BRUTALLY SHOT!
Have people no heart?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm due to play cards with Oscar Wilde, Marilyn Monroe and a man who just arrived, someone called Hunter S something-or-other...
As always, I am your humble ethereal servant xxx
*embodying the spirit of kate bush*
forphy? its me, la nadine, please come home. oh, its so co-o-old...
*realises how dumb this is*
tell your card buddies that 'the importance of being earnest' is the bestest play ever, that 'the seven year itch' has a special place in my heart, and that 'fear and loathing...' is just plain fucked up, in a mates way.
miss you.
mwa.
xox
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*embodying the spirit of kate bush*
forphy? its me, la nadine, please come home. oh, its so co-o-old...
*realises how dumb this is*Dumb? Nay, lover - this is not dumb, this is magical. Not only has our love transcended reality and time itself, but it has survived death. Oh, happy day!
For you, my Lily of Love, I will keep my window forever open in order to let you in, no matter how cold the weather.
You may be wondering how I have managed to speak to you despite recently departing the earth. I have taken possession of Whoopi Goldberg's body - something I picked up from a movie you call "Ghost" which I watched on Sunday just in case Monday's duel did not turn out well and I needed tips for the afterlife - and have "logged on" using her home connection.
All I ask, sweet summer delight, is that you don't try to make love to her while imagining her to be me. From what I understand up here, she's renown for using that trick to bed grieving ladies for the past decade or more.
You and I, Nadine - we are star-crossed web lovers forever.
i promise never to sleep with whoopi goldberg.
just don't ask me to give up my guilt free three. you know the rules.
I both know them and adore them.
Perhaps I should look into taking possession of Gael García Bernal for twenty four hours?
I am losing my grip on Whoopi Goldberg... I can feel... control... slipping awa -
HOW'D YOU LIKE IT IF I KICKED YOU IN THE NUTS SO HARD THAT THEY GET LODGED IN YOUR FUCKIN' NOSTRILS!
Goodness me! She's forcing her way back, I should go. I shall try and visit one day soon. If Gael comes to your door with a twinkle in his eye and an odd British accent, you'll know it's me x
hey, Gael is in a play at the Almeida in London soon. So he is getting that odd Brit accent...
Aw shucks.
It was worth a try.
Beware Whoopis bearing gifts La Nadine. Especially pearl necklaces.
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