reasons i love my beautician: a new era
for those of you new to nadstown, the 'reasons i love my beautician' series began when i realised just how much i love she who rips the hair from my follicles and tends to my "special places" with loving kindness.
the goddess of wax - as i have so named her - is a middle-aged, hungarian nymphomaniac with a killer bod and a heart of gold. she hugs me when i'm sad, and she texts me when she has the sex.
she is the purveyor of pearls of wisdom such as this (when asked if she minds giving brazillian waxes):
"honey, once you've seen one pussy, you've seen them all."
and classic moments such as this:
"ven i am angry with my son, i go home and say to him: i bet i saw more pussy than you did today."
(n.b. it helps to imagine a strong hungarian female accent when reading her words).
and whats more, she gives GREAT wax.
how could i not love her?
the goddess has recently returned from an extended stay in the mother country, and i can't wait to see her. nor can my nether regions for that matter.
this is a phone conversation we had yesterday:
me: hey woman, how are you?
the goddess: horny.
me: you're always horny.
the goddess: your point?
me: hmmmm....so, how is your love life then?
the goddess: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
and yours?
me: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
i officially give up. every time i let my guard down, even slightly, i get screwed. and not just in the happy, tingly way.
the goddess: poor baby. you vont to come over on monday for dinner? i'll get you drunk on hungarian food and take advantage of you.
me: for sure. except that I'LL get YOU drunk on vodka and take advantage of you.
the goddess: good.
me: great.
the goddess: vee are joking right? you know i only like the cock, right? and also, you're younger than my son.
me: (too busy laughing uncontrollably to answer).
the goddess: stop laughing at me!
me: (still too busy laughing uncontrollably to answer).
the goddess: bitch.
me: slut.
the goddess: see you monday.
me: bye.
i will report back soon on any hilarity that ensues on monday. because i know you are all dying to hear more.
have a good weekend, kids.
x
13 Comments:
Yes please Hungarian waxer woman. I want you. Please pack your bags and move to Melbourne with Nads...in two weeks.
that's so funny that she didn't know you were joking, you had her scared! she only likes the cock. and don't forget it.
hahahahaha
My folicles could do with some Magyar attention. Can I have her name and number?
hey polywise, i will email you her details when she sets up her new salon next week.
Ooh! Ooh! Email me too!
It seems to me that if you posted three lines detailing just how great it is to insert a mobile phone into your vagina, then that would aptly summarise this entire collage of meaningless drivel. But please keep practicing because the masses require something to keep them off the streets.
thanks conscy!
i was just about to call it quits but your demand that i "keep practicing" has given me the boost i need to keep on keeping on.
*inserts mobile phone into vagina*
*writes three line blog post*
well if you're going to do *that* with your phone, at least switch it to vibrate and I'll give you a call.
babe, i've been calling myself and getting my jollies all day!
i suggest you do the same.
thanks for the idea, conscientious objector to nonsense!
if you posted three lines detailing just how great it is to insert a mobile phone into your vagina, then that would aptly summarise this entire collage of meaningless drivel.
*rereads post*
*still not sure where conscy got 'mobile phone in vagina' as a summary*
*shrugs and inserts own mobile phone in vagina*
*calls Nadine*
*wonders how you actually make a phone call while phone is in such an 'awkward' place*
You'd be surprised what my vagina can do, dxxxx.
mr. tuppence is one lucky man.
but i knew that already.
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